Just before I go to bed I'm thinking, it's been a smashing day, we have really had some great weather for the past week or so, it's been that good that I haven't bothered with housework, well, that was until my son visited yesterday and picked up an ornament, that proved that I had not dusted the room for a wee while.

I get out of bed this morning just knowing that I must do something, but the sun is just breaking out, one more day wont make any difference I tell myself, I don't take a lot of convincing.

Stroll around the garden taking in the scent of the wallflowers, admire the pinky-white rhododendron, dead head the last of the daffs, sense the satisfaction of beating the slugs, so far, in our battle for the hostas, six sweet pea plants planted against the trellis, two rows of carrots and one row of lettuce seeds, sit at the side of my new gravel garden picking out weeds and enjoy the hot sun.

It's been 68 c today, in foreign that's minus 30 and half the remaining figure, and you then know what it is in f, 68-30= 38, half of 38 is 19, so it's been 19 degrees f, that does not make it any hotter or colder just understandable to foreigners and why they should want to know what the temperature is in my garden in Scotland God only knows.

Anyway, I have not done the dusting yet and I may not be able to sleep for worrying about it, but I'll try.

Good night.

Found this at "smugmug" and put it here before anyone else could.

I read the post by, http://freeasthewind6.blog.co.uk/

Journey into Native American Heritage
As I walk the Red Road into a deeper understanding. I will attempt to share the way of the Native American.

This reminded me of these words that are so very true.

Ways We Might Have Gone. by Frank Mc Donald.

Two roads are on offer, and what will it matter
If this one or that one is chosen today?
Who has a globe to look into the future?
What will it mean if we choose the wrong way?
Who knows the reason for making decisions
That decades from now may condemn us to hell?
Lights that entice-are they simple illusions?
Will happiness follow? Or pain? Who can tell?
A lifetime is over-we look back in wonder
At roads we neglected to journey along;
But who is to say that we could have fared better,
That we opted to go where we did not belong?
A tradesman, a teacher, a Cromwell, a Caesar,
The highways they followed all finish in dust;
Now fate in its mercy has made us an offer
That needs no decision- for take it we must.

The Glasgow train from Queen St, Glasgow, to Bishopbriggs was very busy.

At the next stop a midget got on, an actual, proper wee dwarf midget with a Victoria Wines carry-oot bag.

It was quite busy on the train, there was no room for his bag on the seat beside him, and he was looking up at the overhead rack.

A Good Samaritan was kind enough to say "Would you like me to put that up for you mate?"

"Yes please" he said, and it was done.

But it wasn't up right and when the train moved, a half bottle of Vodka fell out the bag and smashed on the floor.

The midget stood up, his face red with rage, the inspector came along to see what was going on.

The inspector asked if it was his bag, The midget says "Aye...and I'm not happy!

A voice from the back of the carriage shouts out .....

"Well . . . . . . which one are you then?"

Want a free address book?,

take an old telephone directory and cross out all the names of the people that you don't know.

Just read the blog, THEATRE DECEPTION
by kendrive @ Sunday, Apr. 29, 2007 - 08:47:58 am http://www.blog.co.uk/user/kendrive/

It reminded me that a couple of weeks ago, an ad on tele for a DVD of some film, I can't even remember the title now, "The funniest film that you have ever seen...".

I bought it, twelve quid wasted, it was absolute utter cr*p.

Now, there are advertising laws in this country, advertisements have to be honest, as far as I am concerned this one wasn't, Can I take them to court?, The advertiser or the television company?.

What grounds did they have for making this statement?, Have they done a poll of the required size?, Does it come under, The Trades Description Act?, Can I get my money back?.

I think that we need some answers. Any lawyers blogging at the moment?.

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing

with men's balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you

kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever ! asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes
with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Still a few days to go and so far seventeen manifestos have arrived, in all shapes and sizes from a small booklet to a 2 inch strip of badly printed paper torn from an A4 sheet.

Decision time is approaching and after giving a fair reading to all, I discarded those that appear to live in a dreamworld, those that don't seem to understand what the capabilities of a local council are, any candidate that tells me, "My experience has been gained as a Lecturer/Union official, and any that would support the Labour party to grab a little bit of power, that hasn't left many.

Unfortunately the two proposals that I supported came from two different party's, "Scrap the MSPs and have the 59 Scottish MPs sit in Edinburgh on Scottish affairs and in Westminster on British business". I like that one, and, "Half council tax for all OAPs no council tax for over 70's", I like this one even more, check my profile for my age, but were discarded under the above rules.

The headline on the front page of my daily newspaper, "290 muggings every day in Britain".. it read.

I am left, as we all are, to answer one question. Are you, and is your community and country a better place than it was four years ago?. If not, well lets take a chance with someone else.

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: !
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

The 5th of May.

I have two anniversary's this year. The first is the 5th of May 1962, it’s the date that I became engaged to Sarah, it’s strange, for nearly 40 years together I never remembered that date, since she died in 2003 I have never forgotten it.

The 5th of May 2006 was the day that I put my website on the Internet, it is said, self praise is no recommendation, but I think that it is the finest thing that I have achieved.

The website is non-commercial and has no advertising. I wrote it myself, in HTML that I learnt enough of in two weeks from library books, and paid for it myself. I am very proud of it.

Nearly twelve months later I still don’t know much more than I originally learnt, messages flash up on the screen that mean absolutely nothing to me, I click on the X and they go away, but I do get statistics galore from somebody.

Visits and page views seem to be the important statistic and I have had, on a site that obviously is limited to certain people, although that's one of the things that I am trying to change,

3.800 Unique Visitors and 18.340 Page Views, but better than that, I have had several e-mails from visitors saying that the site has helped them.

Other statistics are, and maybe someone can give me an explanation in “baby talk”, Number of Visits 5043 and Hits 24.980.

My site, http://www.wordscanhelp.co.uk/ was written in an attempt to let others going through the pain of grieving after the loss of a loved one, to know that their feelings and actions were similar to many others going through the same period, and as in most cases this is the first time that they find themselves in these circumstances, are unable to understand these feelings, but also to try and let family and friends understand what is happening to the bereaved person.

It is a fact of life that one of every couple will be left in this way one day, if only it were possible to let them know in advance to prepare them.

Hello Friends, I have been busy setting up a new site that I hope will help others.

I would very much appreciate any comments or suggestions.

http://askoranswer.wetpaint.com/

The U S Food & Drug Administration allows an average of 30 or more insect fragments and one or more rodent hairs per 100 grams of peanut butter.

ACOMODATE is the most misspelt word in English.

(scottish sunday express)

NODDY THE GNOME.

NODDY THE GNOME HAD LIVED IN MR AND MRS BROWN'S GARDEN FOR MANY YEARS. MR AND MRS BROWN LOOKED AFTER NODDY VERY WELL, HIS GREEN TROUSERS, HIS RED JACKET AND HIS YELLOW HAT WERE ALWAYS VERY CLEAN.
ON VERY SUNNY DAYS, MRS BROWN WOULD SHOWER HIM WITH WATER WHEN SHE WAS USING THE HOSE PIPE. NODDY WAS VERY HAPPY WITH HIS HOME.

ONE DAY, TWO WORKMEN CAME TO THE GARDEN AND PUT UP A SIGN, NODDY WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS WRITTEN ON THE SIGN.

BECAUSE GNOMES CAN NOT WALK IN THE DAYLIGHT, NODDY HAD TO WAIT UNTIL IT WAS DARK, SO, AT MIDNIGHT, WHEN EVERYONE WAS FAST ASLEEP, NODDY WALKED OVER TO LOOK AT THE SIGN.

FOR SALE

NEXT DAY, NODDY HEARD MR AND MRS BROWN TALKING,
"IT WILL BE NICE MOVING TO A NEW FLAT, BUT WE WILL NOT HAVE A GARDEN" SAID MR BROWN.

NODDY WAS VERY UNHAPPY, HE THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME, AND THEN HE HEARD MRS BROWN SAY, "OF COURSE WE WILL TAKE NODDY WITH US, HE CAN STAND IN THE WINDOW OF OUR NEW FLAT".
NODDY WAS VERY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.

THE NEXT DAY, A MAN, A LADY, A BOY A GIRL AND A DOG CAME TO THE HOUSE. MRS BROWN SAID TO MR BROWN, "THIS IS THE FAMILY THAT ARE GOING TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE".
THE MAN AND THE LADY WENT TO LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE WITH MR AND MRS BROWN, THE BOY, THE GIRL AND THE DOG STAYED OUTSIDE TO PLAY IN THE GARDEN.

THE BOY SAW NODDY AND RAN OVER TO LOOK AT HIM, NODDY WAS HAPPY THAT HE WAS NICE AND CLEAN TO MEET THE NEW FAMILY, BUT, THE BOY PUSHED NODDY WITH HIS FOOT, AND NODDY FELL OVER AND THE GIRL LAUGHED.
NODDY'S NICE RED JACKET WAS NOW VERY DIRTY. THE GIRL BENT DOWN AND PICKED NODDY UP.

MR AND MRS BROWN CAME OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH THE MAN AND LADY, THE LADY CALLED TO THE GIRL, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GNOME?"
THE GIRL SAID, " WE LIKE IT SO MUCH AND PICKED IT UP TO LOOK AT IT". SHE WAS NOT TELLING THE TRUTH.

MRS BROWN SAID, "IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH WE WILL LEAVE IT IN THE GARDEN FOR YOU, WE WOULD LIKE IT TO BE LOVED".

ONE WEEK LATER MR AND MRS BROWN WALKED UP TO NODDY AND SAID, "WE HAVE COME TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOU NODDY, WE ARE SURE THAT YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITH YOUR NEW FAMILY".

NEXT DAY THE NEW FAMILY MOVED IN TO THE HOUSE, NODDY SOON FOUND OUT THAT THEIR NAME WAS MR AND MRS SMITH, THE BOYS NAME WAS SIMON, AND THE GIRLS NAME WAS SALLY. THE DOGS NAME WAS ROVER.

NOBODY EVER CAME TO LOOK AT NODDY. MR AND MRS SMITH NEVER CAME IN TO THE GARDEN, AND SIMON AND SALLY JUST TOOK NO NOTICE OF HIM, AND HIS RED JACKET WAS GETTING VERY DIRTY.

ROVER THE DOG WAS VERY BAD. HE PICKED NODDY UP WITH HIS TEETH AROUND NODDY'S HEAD, AND, WITH A SHAKE OF HIS DOGGY HEAD, THREW NODDY ACROSS THE GARDEN. POOR NODDY, HE JUST LAY THERE ON THE MUDDY GROUND, AND NOW HIS GREEN TROUSERS AND HIS YELLOW HAT WERE COVERED IN MUD.

NO ONE PICKED NODDY UP, SO, WHEN IT WAS VERY DARK, NODDY WALKED TO THE GOLDFISH POND AND WASHED THE MUD OFF, AND THEN, WENT BACK TO HIS PLACE IN THE GARDEN.
THE SAME THING HAPPENED EVERY DAY, AND, NODDY WASHED OFF THE MUD EVERY NIGHT, BUT NO ONE CARED.

ONE NIGHT, WHEN NODDY WAS WASHING OFF THE MUD, HE HEARD A VOICE, NODDY LOOKED UP AND SAW ANOTHER GNOME.

THE OTHER GNOME SAID THAT HIS NAME WAS ZOG. AND HE TOLD NODDY THAT HE LIVED IN THE GARDEN NEXT DOOR, AND HE HAD SEEN WHAT THAT BAD DOG HAD BEEN DOING TO NODDY.

"I WANT TO HELP YOU", HE SAID.
"I AM VERY UNHAPPY", SAID NODDY, "BUT HOW CAN YOU HELP ME ?".
"COME AND LIVE IN MY GARDEN, WITH ME", SAID ZOG.
WHILE IT WAS STILL VERY DARK, NODDY AND ZOG, WALKED TO THE GARDEN NEXT DOOR. BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON, NODDY COULD SEE THAT THERE WERE LOTS OF PLANTS AND FLOWERS, LOTS OF PLACES WHERE HE COULD HIDE.

EACH DAY, NODDY STOOD BEHIND A BIG PLANT AND NOBODY SAW HIM, EVERY NIGHT, WHEN IT WAS DARK, HE WOULD GO TO MEET ZOG, AND THEY WOULD TALK TOGETHER UNTIL THE FIRST MORNING LIGHT, AND THEN NODDY WOULD GO BACK TO HIS HIDING PLACE.

NODDY WOULD HAVE LIKED SOMEONE TO LOOK AFTER HIM, JUST LIKE MR AND MRS BROWN HAD, BUT, HE WAS VERY GLAD THAT ROVER THE DOG COULD NOT FIND HIM.

ONE DAY, EARLY IN THE MORNING, A MAN CAME IN TO THE GARDEN. THE MAN HAD A LARGE FORK, AND HE STARTED TO DIG UP THE BIG WEEDS AND TIDY THE GARDEN.
AS THE MAN CAME CLOSER TO THE PLANT WHERE NODDY WAS HIDING, NODDY WAS GETTING VERY WORRIED, THERE WAS A SHOUT. IT WAS THE LADY FROM THE HOUSE, MRS GREEN, "YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH FOR TODAY, BERT, COME BACK TOMORROW".

AS SOON AS IT WAS DARK NODDY WALKED OVER TO ZOG, "BERT THE GARDENER IS GOING TO FIND ME, AND THEN I WILL HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE GARDEN WITH THE DOG", HE SAID TO ZOG.

"YOU CAN MOVE TO ANOTHER PLACE IN THE GARDEN, SOMEWHERE THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN TIDIED", SAID ZOG. SO NODDY DECIDED TO HIDE IN THE VEGETABLE GARDEN, BEHIND A CABBAGE. HE WAS SAFE AGAIN.
BERT THE GARDENER CAME BACK THE NEXT DAY, BUT, HE WAS DIGGING FAR AWAY FROM NODDY.

IN THE AFTERNOON A CAR ARRIVED, AND STEPPING OUT OF THE CAR WAS MR AND MRS BROWN, "WE HAVE COME TO VISIT YOU", MRS BROWN SAID TO MRS GREEN. "COME IN AND HAVE A CUP OF TEA, AND THEN LATER WE WILL HAVE A WALK AROUND THE GARDEN", SAID MRS GREEN.

NODDY HEARD ALL OF THIS TALK AND WISHED THAT HE HAD STAYED WHERE HE WAS, THEN HE WOULD HAVE BEEN FOUND.

AFTER THEIR TEA, MRS GREEN SHOWED MR AND MRS BROWN HER LOVELY TIDY GARDEN, BUT, THEY ONLY LOOKED AT THE FLOWERS , NOT THE VEGETABLES.
SOON IT WAS TIME FOR MR AND MRS BROWN TO GO HOME TO THEIR FLAT. MRS GREEN SAID, "BEFORE YOU GO I WILL GET YOU A NICE CABBAGE FROM THE VEGETABLE GARDEN".

THEY ALL WENT TO PICK A CABBAGE, AND MRS GREEN BENT DOWN TO PICK IT UP. IT WAS THE CABBAGE THAT NODDY WAS HIDING BEHIND.
SUDDENLY MR BROWN SAID, "WHAT IS NODDY DOING IN YOUR VEGETABLE GARDEN ?".
"THE CHILDREN NEXT DOOR MUST HAVE THROWN HIM OVER", SAID MRS GREEN.
"THAT IS A SHAME " SAID MRS BROWN, "WE WILL TAKE HIM HOME WITH US AND LOOK AFTER HIM".

NODDY WAS VERY HAPPY.

THE END.

"It's Saturday", the lady friend says, "Let's do something".

"Such as?", I say.

"There's an exhibition in Kilmarnock that I'd like to see".

"What's it about?", I say.

"I'll get the brochure", she says.

src="http://" alt=""?

The mind boggles!

FED UP WITH THE SMILEY FACES EMOTICONS? Try using these,

(_!_).........a regular ass

(__!__).....a fat ass

(_*_) ......a sore ass

(l).........a tight ass

{_!_}....a squishy ass

(_zzz_)...a tired ass

(_e=mc2_)...a clever ass

(_?_)......a dumb ass

well, its just an idea, and i don't know who the (_e=mc2_) was who worked them out, but quite good for a laugh.

I'm in a funny mood today.

It is interesting to find that there are many on this blog site that enjoy or are interested in poetry.

A new piece has been recently discovered, it is very unfortunate that the writer is unknown and we are unable to give credit where it is due.

The poem, entitled, "Nelson's Farewell To His Grandmother" is a well written piece that tells you exactly what you expect to get from the reading.

NELSON'S FAREWELL TO HIS GRANDMOTHER.

=

=

=

=

"Bye Bye, Granny.

Sorry,

I don't like bragging, but, the spell check on my last six blogs has come up, "No spelling errors were identified".:D

Just checked, it's now seven.

Never would be too soon to hear or read those words, "My/Our research shows.....".

Of course it does, Stupid.

You asked for the research, you told them what you wanted, you paid for the research. Did you really think that your researchers would come back with views opposing yours?, don't you think that they want to be employed by you next time you wish for some research?.

I fill in surveys for "yourgov" over the Internet, you get 50p or sometimes a £1 for doing it, the questionnaire that I have just filled in asked this question,

"And we would now like you to imagine that you are having an affair...

Which ONE of the following would be your TOP European destination to visit with your lover?

Spain (including Spanish islands)

Hungary

France

Italy

Netherlands

Austria

Switzerland

Belgium

Czech Republic

Denmark

Germany

Don’t know

None of these

Prefer not to say

The mind boggles at what information they will gather from that question and how they will use it.

I was intrigued by something that I read on one of my friends blog, http://xxxthatgirlxxx.blog.co.uk/

At the end of each post there is usually a "thought for today", this one was, "Can you cry under water?".

Pondering this question for a while I decided to test this out, so,

With a gentleman friend we visited the local swimming pool where I donned water tight goggles and a breathing apparatus. Lowering myself into and under the water we commenced the test.

It had been agreed that there was only one way to bring tears to my eyes, my friend would lay down at the edge of the pool and slowly increase pressure on my, er, um, private parts.

I can assure you that this did have the required effect, because of the breathing apparatus I was unable to shout stop. My goggles quickly filled with my tears and I was unable to see, my arms were flailing about, and, unfortunately came into contact with an elderly lady swimmer, who, again, unfortunately, lost the top part of her bikini.

The lady screamed " pervert",and, , my gentleman friend thought she was referring to him and released his hold on my, er, um, er, tackle, shortly after the police arrived.

Yes, the_quiet_girl_in_the_corner, I now have the answer to your thought for the day, but, please think before you have another thought for today, I appear in court next week.

I was reading the blog, http://www.blog.co.uk/user/frankofyle/ and learning of his difficulties with officials, made me think of this.

In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in

Australia and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and

over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

You need to build another Ark and have 2 of every living thing along

with a few good humans.

You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for

40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard

- but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a

building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need

for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the

neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding

the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board

for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the

future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to

clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the

sea would be coming to us, but they wouldn't listen.

Then I had problems getting the wood. There's a ban on cutting local

trees in order to save an endangered species of bandicoot. I tried to

convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the

bandicoots but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me for

confining wild animals against their will. They said it was cruel and

inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the local council ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd

conducted an Environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission

on how many indigenous people I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

The Immigration department is checking the status of most of the people

who want to work and I've even had a letter from Amanda Vanstone asking

about my ethnic background!

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire

only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the Taxation department has seized all my assets,

claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered

species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to

finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow

stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to

destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it."

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

A few years ago I read about scientists testing a new product that would help the body to loose fat. I forgot about it until recently when I saw them advertised, I think it's a stupid name and that could have been given a little more thought, but, so what.

I normally wear nylon socks but these are a little thicker woolen socks, but would still be quite comfortable worn with trainers.

" A new line of socks designed to help people lose weight. Dubbed "FatSox," these revolutionary socks could actually suck body fat out of sweating feet. The invention promised to "banish fat for ever." The socks employed a patented nylon polymer called FloraAstraTetrazine that had been "previously only applied in the nutrition industry." The American inventor of this polymer was Professor Frank Ellis Elgood. The socks supposedly worked in the following way: as a person's body heat rose and their blood vessels dilated, the socks drew "excess lipid from the body through the sweat." After having sweated out the fat, the wearer could then simply remove the socks and wash them, and the fat, away".

More information can be found at,

www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=3&art_id=ct20000401203729412F460715 - 63k - Supplemental Result

Over weight is one of life's problems and you may find the answer to some at,

http://visitmetdd.blogspot.com/

Crying is something that I have given a lot of thought too. What is crying?, tear drops running from your eyes that are caused by your feelings, that, to me, sums it up.

So, the fact that a film or drama can bring that wetness to the eyes show that I have feelings, but, does the depth of my feelings show in the amount of my tears?.

There are two songs from the 50s, seldom heard nowadays, "I Believe" and "Answer Me", both by Frankie Laine that have the effect of bringing those tears, but, not when I hear the same songs by other singers, so, it isn't just the lyric, and, I don't particularly associate them with anything, so, where do the feelings come into it?.

Unlike the song "Bridge over Troubled Waters", again, only by "Simon and Garfunkel", and two hymns, "Abide with Me", and, "The Lords My Shepherd", that each have a special memory for me, but, again, it is only a wetness to the eyes.

I have never cried. I have never had unstoppable tears running down my face. Is there something wrong with me?.

My mother died when I was eight years old, I well remember my father telling me, I remember nothing about my life prior to this. It was many years later when my older sister died, still a young woman, I did not cry. I did not cry, with joy, at the birth of my sons, or, the death of my father, or, the death of my stepmother. I did not cry at the death of my wife.

Is real heart breaking crying necessary?. Does it show the depths of your feelings, pain, or, loss, or, are we only crying for ourselves?.