ONCE UPON A TIME, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased... did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, travelled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, had all the hot water to herself, watched chick flicks, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, and burped, swore, and farted all the time.

THE END

With apologies to any person that is offended, and it's probably only the last one that is remotely Irish.

Artery .........................The study of paintings.
Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium .........................What doctors do when patients die.
Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight.
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... ..A sheep dog.
Coma........................... A punctuation mark.
Dilate......................... ..To live long.
Enema.......................... Not a friend.
Fester........................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula........................... A small lie.
Impotent....................... Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain.....................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................... A higher offer.
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................... I knew it.
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted.
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative................. A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...................Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................... Nearly killed him.
Secretion...................... Hiding something.
Seizure........................ Roman emperor.
Tablet......................... A small table.
Terminal Illness............... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumour..........................One plus one more.
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out.
2xCondoms.......................To be sure, to be sure!