There is no way that I can accept that this world was created in six days, I can believe that it happened naturally if each “day” is counted as, say, 10 million years, that is, that our planet took 60 million years to develop into a place where life could begin, and that the theory of evolution is correct, but, evolution takes a million years to make just minor changes and we with our limited knowledge and lack of scientific proof will not notice these changes.

So why God? Simple explanation for simple minds in the past because no other theory was available?

We are not that simple today, scientists can provide proof for many things, proof gives us faith.

I have no doubts that someone, possibly named Jesus, lived about 2000 years ago, I have no doubts that he was a clever and good man, seeing the way in which the people were being treated, the crimes that were committed, the general way of life, this Jesus spoke up, created rules for living a way of life that was for the good of those people, spoke the wishes of the people, against the wishes of the ruling classes, and was readily accepted by the people. He created simple ways of explaining to simple people, his story’s spread by word of mouth, with a little added or lost at each exchange.

His rules, in his book, are an example of how we should all live our lives, that is why God should always exist.

But, why do so many people today have faith in God?

I am not sure if I have written exactly what is on my mind, I am not really sure of anything about faith or belief, I'm not sure if I have written anything that may start a debate, but comments would be appreciated.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

>

>
>
> An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
>
> "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
>
> So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
>
> "Incredible"he says, "there is a£20 note lodged up here."
>
> Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a
> £10 pound note appears.
>
> "This is amazing!"exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to
> do?"
>
> "Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!"shrieks the patient.
>
> The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and
> another and another and another, etc....
>
> Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
>
> "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly,dat's moch batt er. Just out of interest,
> How moch was in dare den?" The Doctor counts the pile of cash.
>
> "£1,990 exactly."
>
>
>
> "Ah, dat'd be roit,''says the Irishman
>
>
>
> (Wait for it...........scroll down.)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I knew I wasn't feeling two grand.."

I read that it has been freezing down there in England, well, up here in Scotland it has been flooded since Wednesday evening, the Scots have all been pissing them selfs with laughter. ( with thanks to a football prog on the radio )

No vember, no money, this months "extras", one chimmney rebuilt=£980, one bedroom ceiling plastered=£175, one room re-decorated=£100, one bill from the tax man=£142, one new car tyre=£64, one new washing machine=£220, holiday weekend=£200. Income, state pension. Not been the best month, oh well, soon be next month, ah, that will be December, and December has Christmas in it. Bloody hell.

Inflation seems to be everywhere, maybe it's time that the three Rs, 'reading, 'riting and 'rithmatic became four Rs.

Unfortunately it appears that in the main parents today do not teach their offspring the "R" that is so very important. R for RESPECT.

Respect for other races, other religions, the environment, those in authority positions. Respect for parents, neighbours, and other persons possessions. Respect for politicians, policemen, judges, etc, etc.

Of course, it's up to those that hold these positions to act in a way that will earn the respect of the young.

Will they? Can they?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Yes, right enough, Georges mum, back in the 50s,

Taken from the "Owl Barn" catalogue, http://www.the-owl-barn.com

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?
IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?
IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?
IF - YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?
IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?
IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU, WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?
SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

HELLOOooo!!!!!!!!!
YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG F&*#ING HOUSE!

Deer Sir,
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

Im lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,

Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.

Employer's response.....

Dear Peggy May,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check

"Keeping Pet Snails & Slugs - Snail & Slug Care, species, health ...Detailed information on all aspects of gastropods, particularly as pets. Various facilities for an active, cooperative community to participate in ...
http://www.petsnails.co.uk/ - 19k - Cached - Similar pages "

The words "Active" and "Snails" don't seem quite right together.

Just read that snails mate for up to 12 hours, but, only once in a lifetime. ( Mitchell Symonds "Did you know?" http://www.express.co.uk/

And I kill them with slug bait, I hope it's not before the big day comes around.

This is so good. PLEASE share it with your friends,

http://users.telenet.be/leukelinks/flash/queen.htm

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and everywhere that Mary went

the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt

'twas split right up the front

...But she didn't wear that one often.

A 14 year old, back in the 1950s, would not have understood that rhyme,
A 13 year old, back in the 1960s, would not have understood that rhyme,
A 12 year old, back in the 1970s, would not have understood that rhyme,
A 10 year old, back in the 1990s, would not have understood that rhyme,
A 5 year old, in the 2000s could, sadly, fill in the missing word.!!!

Here are a couple more,

It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh shit, it's Global Warming.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse

and turned its wool to nylon.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

He planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

and grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

I am well aware that at times I am a little flippant. I like humour, especially if it is a little bit, um, um, um, shall we say, smutty, but at times, life is a lot more serious, and I have visited a website that may be of interest to some of my friends, or, to someone that they know.

The site, http://www.capcis.org.uk/cms/page.php?p=

CAPCIS is an internet information gateway which aims to provide an organised, easily-accessible and up-to-date directory of key services, service providers and appraised information on cancer and progressive, life-limiting conditions.

Information about cancers and listings of the local services and support available in the Argyll and Clyde area; also some national services.

Information about AIDS, chest, heart and stroke conditions, dementia, Huntington's Disease, Motor Neurone Disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's Disease, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, Chronic Renal Failure and Muscular Dystrophy. Also listings of the local services and support available in the Argyll and Clyde area; also some national services.

Although the site is aimed at the Argyll and Clyde area the information that can be found could be really helpful to everyone.

The site is funded by the lottery, and,
NHS Highlands, http://www.nhshighland.scot.nhs.uk/Pages/welcome.aspx
NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde, http://www.nhsgg.org.uk/content/

ALL CAR OWNERS AND CAR DRIVERS PLEASE READ

Be aware of new car-jacking scheme.

You walk across the car park, unlock your car and get

inside. Then you lock all your doors, start the engine

and shift or put into reverse. You look into the

rear-view mirror to back out of your parking space and

You notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the

rear window.

So, you shift the gear stick back into park or neutral,

unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that

paper or whatever it is that is obstructing your view.

When you reach the back of your car that is when the

car-jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and

take off!!

Your engine was running, you would have left your purse

in the car and they practically mow you down as they

speed off in your car.

BE AWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED IN

GLASGOW AND MANCHESTER AND IS MAKING ITS WAY ACROSS THE

COUNTRY!!!!!!!!

Just drive away and remove the paper later! It is stuck

to your Window and be thankful that you read this email.

I hope you will forward this to friends and family

especially to women! A purse contains all identification,

and you certainly do NOT want someone getting your home

address. They already HAVE your keys!!!

JUST BE AWARE AND TAKE CARE IT WILL PROBABLY SOON ARRIVE

IN YOUR AREA

Brian Molloy

Detective Constable

Force Intelligence Bureau

Strathclyde Police

>
> On the way to the office this morning, I rear-ended a car.
>
> Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day.
> The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf,
> poor bastard.
>
> He looked at his dented car and then looked up at
> me and said, "I am not happy."
>
> I said, "Well, which one are you then?"

One of my blog friends sent me this bit of humour. I am proud to have 56 friends. Whilst reading this post he/she will have a red face.

The question is, Which friend do you think sent it?

There are many virtual prizes to be virtually won so please make your selection of, (1) The Friend, and (2) Your Prize.

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just good old-fashioned ’stiff drink’. Pepsi will market the new occasion by the name of: Mount & Do.

The daily weeder, a web site that e mails regular gardening tips,
http://www.dailyweeder.com/
gave a link to the site, http://www.piam.com/mms_garden/hort1.html
with excellent information on medicinal plants and there uses, well worth a look if you are interested in this subject.

Hortus Medicus: The Medicinal Herb Garden
Originator and Designer, Shirley MacIver, MD

Though all of the MMS gardens share the two themes of nature and medical history and tradition, Hortus Medicus is considered the signature garden. Every medieval European university that had a medical school had a medicinal plant garden tended by medical students. Using the academic lingua franca of that time, these gardens were called Hortus medicus, Latin for the medicinal garden.

The MMS Hortus Medicus features plants with known medicinal values as well as those that do not have or have not yet been scientifically proven to have medicinal value. There are more than sixty varieties of plants growing in Hortus Medicus and many more scattered throughout the MMS gardens.

List of Medicinal Plants

Achillea millefolium
Yarrow Alchemilla vulgaris
Lady's Mantle Alcea rosea
Hollyhock Allium sativum
Garlic
Allium Schoenoprasum, Chives
Allium tuberosum
Garlic Chives Althea officinalis
True Marshmallow Anethum graveolens 'Fernleaf'
Dill Anthemis nobilis
Roman Chamomile
Aquilegia canadensis
Columbine Asclepias tuberosa
Butterfly Weed Artemisia vulgaris
Mugwort Borago officinalis
Borage
Calamintha ascendens
Mountain Balm Calendula officinalis
Pot Marigold Chamomilla recutita
German Chamomile Chrysanthemum parthenium
Feverfew
Colchicum autumnale
Autumn Crocus Convollaria majalis
Lily-of-the-valley Digitalis ambigua
Perennial Foxglove Digitalis lanata
Grecian Foxglove
Digitalis purpurea
Foxglove Echinacea purpurea
Purple Coneflower Foeniculum vulgare
Fennel Hepatica acutiloba
Sharp Lobed Hepatica
Helichrysum italicum
Immortelle or Curry Plant Hypericum perforatum
St. John's Wort Hyssopus officinalis
Hyssop Inula helenium
Elecampane
Lavendula officinalis
Lavender Levisticum officinale
Lovage Liatris spicata
Gayfeather Malva sylvestris
Common Mallow
Marrubium vulgare
Horehound Melissa officinalis
Lemon Balm Mentha piperita
Peppermint Monarda didyma
Bee Balm
Nepeta cataria
Catnip Ocimum basilicum
Sweet Basil Oenothera biennis
Evening Primrose
Paeonia officinalis 'Alba Plena'
Peony Paeonia officinalis 'Mollis'
Peony Papaver rhoeus
Corn Poppy Papaver somniferum
Poppy
Polemonium reptans
Jacob's Ladder Pulmonaria officinalis
Lungwort Rosa gallica officinalis Apothecary Rose Rosmarinus officinalis
Rosemary
Ricinus cummunis 'rubra'
Castor Bean Plant
Ruta graveolens
Rue

Salvia officinalis
Sage Salvia sclarea
Clary Sage Sanguisorba officinalis
Salad Burnet Sedum purpureum
Live-forever
Sempervivum tectorum
Hen-and-chicks Solidago canadensis
Goldenrod
Stachys byzantina
Lamb's Ears Stachys officinalis
Betony
Symphytum officinale
Comfrey Tanacetum vulgare
Tansy Thymus vulgaris
Thyme
Tropaelum majus
Nasturtium Vaccinium augustifolium
Lowbush blueberry Valeriana officinalis
Garden Heliotrope Verbascum thapsus
Mullein
Veronica officinalis
Speedwell Viola tricolor
Johnny-jump-up Zingiber officinale
Ginger

The news reader said, "One hundred of the top scientists in the world met in Valencia to discuss global warming....", He should have said, ".....top scientists that BELIEVE we are the cause of global warming", it is very noticeable that these meetings never have the voice of an opposition view.

When will they learn that global warming is a natural effect, we can do nothing to fight it, we can only learn to adapt our lives to live with it. Of course we must look after our planet, it's the only one that we have got, it's the only one that our grand children will have.

If their view that it is caused by our way of life is genuine and not supported purely by the promise of extra money for research or to sell other items that they may have an interest in, they should practice what they preach, with our ability to have electronic communications throughout the world without leaving your home why would they decide to fly to Valencia?

The U Ks emissions are very low and not much can be done to improve the figure, why waste money doing so, let us donate the money to those country's where a small amount of money will have a major effect on their output. No no no, Gordon Brown wants that money to make up the black hole in the economy of this country after his period as the "greatest chancellor ever", ( his opinion ) and this is the scare tactic that he uses to get it.

Our great, great, great, great grandchildren will be able to look back and know what the truth is, hind sight is a great gift, for the present let us accept that we can do nothing about it except try to understand it, try to live with it and plan for a future that will be warmer than the ones we have come to expect.

High water levels, well don't build near to them, cold winters, well lets have good insulation, plastic bags that do rot down, other places have them, Why don't we?

We can, and no one will object, be sensible.

Buckie, Scotland, is about 230 miles north of Glasgow and this is the first view that we had of the town. When we left Glasgow the outside temperature showed 12 degrees by the time that we reached Buckie it had dropped to 5 degrees.

This is the hotel where we stayed, on the main road between Fochabers and Buckie, and dates back to the early 18th century, the skies were blue. The chefs, "Venison and Mushroom" pie is fantabulous.

The water is the North sea, today it is at peace unlike the day that we arrived when waves were breaking over the sea wall that surrounds the harbour.

Hiya Friends, and other readers, just back from my short break in Buckie, loads of posts to catch up with, so for now, three jokes that may have you smiling.

HER DIARY:
>
> Saturday 20th October 2007
>
> Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went
> shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit
> late
> so thought it might be that.
>
> The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere
> quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I
> suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
>
> All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed
> and
> didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was
> saying.
> I just knew that something was wrong.
>
> He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in;
> he
> hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something
> the
> matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television
> on.
>
> After about 10 minutes of Silence, I said I was going upstairs to
> bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him
> deeply.
> He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me
> up
> but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still
> seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was
> going to leave me and that he had found someone else. I cried
> myself
> to sleep.
>
>
>
> HIS DIARY:
>
> Saturday 20th October 2007
>
> Scotland lost. Gutted. Got a shag though.

===========================================================

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your
Breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between
them for a few seconds every day"

Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
How long will this take?" I asked.
They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he said "Worked for your bum, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a
straw.

Stupid, stupid man

====================================================================

This is clever and you have possibly read it before, but, may be worth repeating for those fresh to this tale.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted

Nicknames in use that have been given to Glasgow characters by their friends and workmates.

Two Soups - his real name is Campbell Baxter.

Norrie Two Bunnets - the Glasgow taxi-driver who wears a wig under his cloth cap.

The Colostomy - the girlfriend of a married man (ie. the wee bag on the side).

The Boomerang Kid - whenever anyone at work asks a question, he always replies: 'I'll get back to you on that.'

The Man from Del Monte - purportedly a ladies' man, but everyone suspects it's the fruits that make him say: 'Yes!'

The Parachute - lets everyone down at the last minute.

Cashline - an experienced young lass who's open 24 hours a day.

Vaseline - his real name is Willie Burns.

Rembrandt - loves saying to colleagues: 'Let me put you in the picture...'

Bernard Caliper - a keen golfer with a leg iron.

Bo Derek - a chap called Derek with terrible body odour.

Brewer's Droop - his real name is Willie Falls.

Elmer - according to his mates, this guy is a real Fudd.

Harvey Smith - a skinflint who regularly enjoys a clear round at the bar.

The Genie - magically appears whenever anyone opens a bottle.

The Marksman - when it's his turn to buy a round, he always shoots the craw ( gets of his mark, leaves, )

Dulux - his pals reckon he's only got one coat.

The Mounty - whenever there's a carry-out on the go, he always gets his can

Soapy - washes his hands of any problems that crop up.

Captain Hook - continually late for work, it's believed he must be scared of the alarm clock.

Wolfy - fond of a right good bevvy, he's always howling.

The Yeti - always on the sick, there have been many unconfirmed sightings of this guy, but nobody can prove he actually exists.

The Gas Man - he's serviced loads of old boilers.

Charlton Heston - an incredibly slow fitter who turns every job into an epic.

The Hostage - when anyone asks for help he always replies: 'Sorry, my hands are tied.

The Chernobyl Jannie - during the mid-Eighties this guy had a really bad complexion.

The Woodpecker - he's always tapping. ( borrowing money )

Mussolini - a woman in an office in Glasgow who has rather loose morals (aka the great dicktaker)

The Hotel Bill

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you

might want to consider this............A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston .

After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're

too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a

rest.

They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they

only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on

the road. When they check out four hours later, the

desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know

why the charge is

so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice

hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.

When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate,

the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then

explains that the hotel

has an Olympic-sized pool and

a huge conference center that were available for the

husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them," the man complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains

the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of

the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best

entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas

perform here," the Manager says.

"But we

didn't go to any of those shows, "complains

the man again

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager

replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man

replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives

up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it

to the Manager

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.

"But sir," he says, this check is only made out for

$50."

"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300

for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and

you could have."