I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

>

>
>
> An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
>
> "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
>
> So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
>
> "Incredible"he says, "there is a£20 note lodged up here."
>
> Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a
> £10 pound note appears.
>
> "This is amazing!"exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to
> do?"
>
> "Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!"shrieks the patient.
>
> The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and
> another and another and another, etc....
>
> Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
>
> "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly,dat's moch batt er. Just out of interest,
> How moch was in dare den?" The Doctor counts the pile of cash.
>
> "£1,990 exactly."
>
>
>
> "Ah, dat'd be roit,''says the Irishman
>
>
>
> (Wait for it...........scroll down.)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I knew I wasn't feeling two grand.."