My wife Sarah worked in one of the larger up-market shops in Glasgow and, whilst buying my last minute presents I wandered on to the floor that she was working on. At her till, in those days each department had their own, I stood behind the crowd of laughing chatting people waiting to make their purchase, I called out,

"Excuse me miss, where do I go to buy a nice saucepan for my wife's Christmas present"

The crowd went silent.

"If you would wait a moment sir I will help you to select the right one", she said, "and, may I suggest, a smaller saucepan, that way the pain will be less as she shoves it up your back-side"