1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female.... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male. . Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Subject: Think before you speak

Twelve of the finest double-entendres that were aired on British TV & Radio

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is a really a lovely horse.
I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that
nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford
Crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls
and kisses them . Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live'
said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob,were's that eight
inches you promised me last night?'

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today
after getting a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like
this'

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They
seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his
shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'