A minister decided that a visual demonstration would
add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine , who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service --

What a bloody horrible day yet again, very strong winds and driving rain, not going out of the house for anything.

Saturday was the usual wee run in the car for Hazel and I and we decided to travel East, towards Edinburgh. Half an hour later we arrived at Kirk o" Shotts, Kirk being the church of the village of Shotts.

The Kirk was founded in the reign of James III, in 1476, and was called St. Catherine’s Chapel. The present church- the wee kirk without a steeple, and wi’ the wee doo-cote belfry- was erected between 1819 and 1821.

Shotts is roughly half way between Glasgow and Edinburgh along side the M8 motorway and follows the original road built by the Romans. It is also the highest point of the road and the site for the television transmitters.

Moving on we passed Shotts Prison, no photos were taken, and eventually reached Livingstone, a town in West Lothian, and then Hazel noticed "McArthurGlen Designer Outlet". We parked.

Returning to the car about an hour later with our buys, she had a saucepan, and I had a new baking tray and a new loo brush. And home for dinner.

Now, I must go out, I have run out of cigarettes.

A Scotsman goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds
himself a prostitute.

He asks her, "How much do yee charrrge forrrr an hourrr?"

"£100," she replies.

So he asks, "Okay, do yee do Scottish style?"

She then says no, not knowing what Scottish style was.

He then asks her, "I'll pay you £200 to do it Scottish style."

Again she declines his offer.

So he then offers her £300.

She says, "No!"

So finally he says, "I'll give yee £500 to go Scottish style with me!"

Finally she agrees thinking, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10
years now. I've been there and done that, had every kind of request
from weirdo's from every corner of the world. How bad could Scottish
style be?"

So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of way
and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours
they finish.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "That was fantastic.
I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something
perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'Scottish style' come in?"

The Scotsman replies... "I'll pay ye next week."

A hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead water buffaloe with a pygmy standing beside it.

Amazed, he asked "Did you kill that?!"

The pygmy said, "Yes."

The hunter asked, "How could a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?"

"I killed it with my club."

The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?"

The pygmy replied, "There're about 60 of us."