After seven days that unknown bug that had made its home in my inside bits has, I think, been ejected, thrown out, or possibly, passed away.

Unknown bug, that worried me a bit, no, I lie, it worried me a lot. I have seen photographs of known bugs, they are pretty horrible, What must an unknown bug look like? Something even worse than the experts at Steven Spielberg's studio could dream up? So, today is house cleaning day. I have completed three hours with only two stops for a cup of tea and four smoke breaks, in my book I am doing OK.

The house, well the down stairs bit smells of bleach, disinfectant, polish and “Rug Patrol”, but mostly of “Rug Patrol”.

I am not actually sure just how long that product has been in the cupboard under the sink. It’s a tub/drum about 6 inches high with a plastic top that you can turn around that lets you sprinkle the powder over the carpet, whisk about over it and sorta work it lightly in to the carpet, leave for a while and vacuum up. Empty collected used powder, including all germs that once lived in the carpet, into a lead container and send to your nearest nuclear power station for disposal. ( Actually, I made that last bit up. )

The sprinkler bit of my tub/drum did not work very well for me, they kept clogging up. I am a man, I will not be beaten. I am a man, therefore, technically minded.

Take one fork from the kitchen drawer, bend up one tine, poke viciously at sprinkler holes, turn tub/drum upside down and shake vigorously, lid comes off, followed by entire contents, to form a neat pile in the centre of the carpet.

Do I panic? Of course not. Collect grass rake from shed, keep it in the closed position with the tines very close together, and rake powder over the carpet, job done.

The day has got better, Jersey plants catalogue arrived, that is http://www.jerseyplantsdirect.com ( I only do that in the hope of being sent some free plants but I don’t know why I bother because I mentioned Jaguar cars once and never received one ) I will order 70 Nicotiana Essence (for its scent )and 70 Wildflower Au Naturelle ( to encourage wildlife ) ( except for unknown bugs ).

Also discovered a cracker of a book, tell you about that later as I have to go and hoover up a carpet.

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